How Firm a Foundation
Mar. 8th, 2011 04:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
essene_backupTitle: How Firm a Foundation
Summary: AU. Jared has a night out. Jensen turns up where he’s least expected.
Pairing: J2
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Not beta’d, all mistakes are my fault. Is edited a bit from the original version.
Word Count: 3,000+
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen are not mine. More’s the pity. (and a personal "I'm sorry" to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dancetomato for the title)
Notes: For the story’s sake look afterwards, but it was originally written for the latest round of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
blindfold_spn off this prompt.
Jared finally settles on a pair of jeans that ride just along his hipbones, letting the edge of his boxer-briefs peek out above the denim. He pulls on a black t-shirt--it seems all he really has in his wardrobe is varying shades of black and white these days--tighter than he would usually wear, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Sliding bare feet into one of his two pairs of “non-work” shoes (the other a pair of well-worn running shoes), he moves into the bathroom. He runs an electric razor quickly over his stubble to even it out, and then warms a swipe of pomade from the pot on the counter before running his hands through his hair quickly. He arches his brow scrutinizing the result-- it’s not going to last all night, but at least it’ll keep it out of his face for a while. He takes one last look at himself in the mirror before flicking off the lights and grabbing his keys from the nightstand.
******
1:15 am and it’s hot and loud in the club. Jared can feel the bass of the music thrumming through his entire body, as he moves through the, crowd headed for the bar. Spotting an opening at the far end of the counter, he slots himself in and when the curvy red-head moves towards him, he shouts his order. When she comes back with it, he pays in her cash with a bit extra thrown in, earning him a wink and a smile.
He downs his shot, throat stinging and eyes burning briefly before he follows it with a cool swig of beer. He never really feels comfortable in these places, but it’s the only time he can actually be...
A warm hand lands on his lower back quickly followed by warm breath near his ear, “I’ve never seen you here before. And believe me...I would have noticed you.”
Closing his eyes for a brief moment Jared takes a deep breath before turning to the owner of the voice and hand. He’s startled slightly by the sheer handsomeness of the man. Granted, pretty boys are a dime-a-dozen in these places, but this man....
They’re not quite eye-level, but the man isn’t small; considering he comes past Jared’s shoulder, he’s pretty tall. He gets small flickers of the man’s actual appearance when the strobes travel over the crowd, glints of green, broad shoulders, dusting of freckles, narrow waist, and, clichés-be-damned, cock-sucking lips.
Jared doesn’t trust himself to look at the man directly, not when he’s so obviously everything Jared wants just standing there next to him. He lets his eyes drift over the bar instead, hoping to seem nonchalant as he says, “Well, I’ve never been here before.”
Moving closer, the man leans into Jared enough that Jared can feel his body heat, “Good to know. I’d hate to think I missed out on your company.”
Jared breathes in sharply through his nose. He wants to be easy about this, wants to smother the desperation he feels, the desire that’s been coursing through him for months. It’s been so long since he’s let himself...
“Want to get out of here?” Jared turns his head back to the man, surprised. It’s usually longer before...he stops thinking as he watches the man tip his head back to swallow the remainder of his drink, long line of his creamy, taut throat rolling.
Fixated on the now damp perfectly formed lips before him, he doesn’t answer until that mouth opens again, “They’re even better when they’re ON you.”
Jared lets out a brief bark of laughter, the man’s forthrightness a surprise that puts him suddenly at ease.
Brow arched, the man comments, “You should smile more. Makes you look even more fuckin’ gorgeous.”
“Is that a bit of twang I hear?” Jared asks quickly, not quite ready to jump off the precipice he’s been standing on the edge of for so long.
“That’s a bit of the Lone Star you hear, Stretch. And if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got a fair slice of it yourself.”
Nodding, Jared takes a few more swigs off his beer, “I just left San Antonio.”
“Grew up just outside Dallas, myself. Now how’s about we get outside this place?”
He reaches and wraps a strong hand around Jared’s bicep with an intent to move him toward the door, “Goddamn, Stretch, that’s...well, Jesus, I knew you were packing, but DAMN,” he lets out a long low whistle, puckering those perfect lips that Jared just can’t seem to keep his eyes off of.
Jared smiles again, appreciating not only the compliment, but the man’s seeming inability to be anything but forward. He drains the last of his beer and lets the man weave them through the crowd to the front doors.
The night air seems suddenly chilly after the humid warmth of the club, and Jared is struck once again by how incredibly stupid this is of him. How he shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t even WANT this. But maybe things can be different here. A new start. No one knows him. No one knows anything. And if he’s careful, he can keep it that way. Maybe. Just maybe, this CAN work.
“You got a name, Stretch?”
He pauses briefly, considering before he decides the hell with it, “Jared.”
“Jensen,” Jensen’s hand is warm and broad in his own as he shakes it.
Trying to preempt the other man from asking first, Jared blurts, “You have a place in mind?”
“Yeah, it’s actually not far,” he jerks his head to the left and starts walking, “Convenient that they seem to put the hotels near the clubs, don’t you think?”
Jared snickers and follows the man’s lead, briefly admiring the curve of the man’s ass before he pulls even.
*******
It’s not a 4 star by any means, but it seems clean and...Jared stops thinking when Jensen presses him back against the door seconds after they walk in, the lips that he’s been obsessing over suddenly on his own.
Jensen’s mouth is hot and slick, and their tongues tangle immediately. Jared reaches down to pull Jensen’s groin flush against his own, gratified to feel a hard line pressing into his hip where they touch. Their heads turn in unison, mouths slotting against each other and pulling away with a lip between teeth every now and again as they rut against each other.
“Fuck,” Jensen pulls away after long minutes of rough kissing and moves back slightly, hands falling to the fly on his own jeans. Jared leans up against the door and watches as Jensen’s sure hands flick through button after button, then slide down his sides to shuck himself of briefs and jeans in one long move. It’s quickly followed by a cross-armed removal of Jensen’s shirt over his head. As Jared watches, Jensen’s thick, flushed cock bobs with each quick movement.
It’s these moments he wishes for more. That this could be his life. That he could have this man, whenever he wanted. That he could see a blood-filled cock, a strong, flat torso and muscled thighs and not feel this pang of guilt, this twist of remorse, this sense of wrong. But it’s what he NEEDS. If he’s to continue what he’s called to do, go on living day to day to day and fulfilling his duty, he needs these moments. No matter what anyone says.
Jensen moves back in, dropping to his knees and rubbing the palm of his hand over Jared’s swollen dick before using those same deft fingers to open Jared’s jeans and reach in and pull him out. It’s only seconds before Jared exhales with a moan when Jensen opens his mouth to take him in. The warm, wet of Jensen’s tongue sliding along the underside of his dick nearly buckles his knees. It’s been so long since he’s felt this slicksuckingpull and the resulting spark in his gut.
He’s almost afraid to look down. Afraid that the vision of Jensen naked, on his knees, flushed lips wrapped around his cock will make him come right there and then, but he’s compelled to look. He’s been thinking about what Jensen would look like with his rosy lips stretched wide by cock, slippery with saliva and pre-come, since before he even knew his name.
He’s right, it’s almost too much for him to see Jensen bobbing on the end of his dick. His hips thrust forward of their own volition and he groans when Jensen only hums around his thickness, flicks his eyes up through long lashes watching Jared watch him, and takes him deeper, nose pressing against Jared’s pubic hair before pulling up and almost off before moving in to engulf him again in that glorious sucking heat.
Jared’s hand falls to Jensen’s head, fingertips rubbing through the gelled strands, massaging his scalp as he struggles not to just grasp his skull and hold him still. Hold him and use his too-pretty mouth while he pumps his hips madly to find his release deep in Jensen’s throat.
Instead he pulls Jensen off him, mesmerized by the strand of spit and pre-come that connects Jensen’s full bottom lip to his cock before Jensen breaks it by licking a broad swipe over Jared’s slit, sitting back on his haunches.
Jared reaches down and pulls Jensen up, and bends his head down hungrily, reclaiming Jensen’s lips, tasting the salty tang of himself on his tongue as together they undress Jared and move towards the bed.
Without breaking the seal of their mouths, Jensen puts his hands on Jared’s biceps and maneuvers them so that Jared’s calves hit the edge of the bed rather than Jensen’s and then pushes him lightly enough that Jared knows what he wants. Reluctantly he stops kissing the other man and sits down on the bed.
Jensen straddles Jared’s thighs with his knees, bumping their cocks together as he situates himself. This time he completely ignores Jared’s hard prick as he runs the flat of his hands over Jared’s chest and abs, down the length of his arms, only to follow them with finger tips--as if he’s trying to learn Jared’s body by feel.
Jensen’s voice is like gravel when he starts talking, sending jolts of lust to Jared’s cock—he made Jensen sound like that--never stopping the movement of his hands, “You’re so fucking built. All this muscle. What do you do? Work out for 5 hours a day?”
“Two hours. I run for an hour and then,” Jared’s breath catches when Jensen rolls a nipple between his fingertips, and gets a cocky grin in return. “Then I do weights for about an hour. It helps me clear my mind.”
They both moan involuntarily when Jensen leans down to lave Jared’s now taut nipple with his tongue, both their dicks trapped, hot and hard between them. Jared rolls his hips slightly, looking for some friction, getting a grind from Jensen’s hips in return before Jensen skitters his teeth across Jared’s collarbone and down to the peak of the other nipple. Jensen licks and suckles and gnaws his way up and down Jared’s neck before coming to rest just near Jared’s ear.
“I know a much better way for you to clear your mind and stay in shape,” Jensen whispers before he moves to the spot just behind Jared’s earlobe to nuzzle, all the while continuing to work his hips so that his and Jared’s cocks rub against each other, pre-come starting to slick the way between them.
“Yeah?” Jared can hardly think beyond the burgeoning orgasm that he is trying to stave off. It’s been so long.
Hotly Jensen whispers words that should have been corny, but only serves to add fuel to Jared’s already out-of-control lust, “I’d let you fuck me every day. Pump me, instead of iron.”
Jared can’t take it anymore. He grips Jensen’s hips and flips them, so that Jensen is trapped under him, Jared covering his only slightly smaller frame with his own, pinning him to the bed, reveling in the feel of sweat-damp male beneath him.
“You’re killing me with your filthy fucking mouth,” Jared groans as he speeds up the thrust of his hips, dragging Jensen’s cock against his own. “Sucking me off with it, kissing me stupid, saying such...”
Jared throws his head back when Jensen pulls his legs apart and wraps them around Jared’s waist. Jared feels their balls touch, sacs drawn tight and firm, both of them ready to burst, Jared can’t remember when he’s ever wanted something so much, wanted to spill everywhere, mark someone up, watch them unravel with him.
Jensen’s hand wraps around them both, sluicing through pre-come and sweat, sliding their turgid cocks against each other, “Come on, Jared. Come for me baby, let me feel it. Cover me in it.”
And that’s it, Jared’s spine is uncoiling and he’s floating in a sparkling spot of ecstasy that connects his dick with every other nerve in his body. He opens his eyes and watches and dimly hears Jensen shout as he wrings out his own release between them, come glistening on his chest and abs, adding to Jared’s creamy fluids already cooling there. Jared watches for another second and pulls himself away when his dick just can’t take any more stimulation. He collapses ungracefully at Jensen’s side.
When Jensen runs a finger through their mixed come and then raises it to his mouth, sucking their spend off it. Jared hisses, “Fucking hell, you’re trying to kill me.”
Jensen merely smiles through half-lidded eyes and does it again.
Limbs heavy, Jared rolls onto his back, and tries to let the moment last. He feels so damn good, every pressure and constraint of his life shunted out for long, sensual minutes. But it’s coming back to him now. How truly wrong this is. All the people he is disappointing, all the codes and promises he is breaking by being here, by doing this.
Heart pounding, he sits up, animated by his sudden need to get out. To leave. To start this instant to do everything he can to make it right. To make himself good enough again. Oh God. How is he going to ever make any of this right?
He moves into the bathroom, barely registering Jensen’s drawled call of, “Bring me back a rag, won’t you?”
After pissing and quickly washing everything he can easily reach with a soaped up washcloth--all the while studiously avoiding his reflection in the mirror--he crosses the bedroom and starts pulling on his clothes as fast as his now trembling fingers will allow.
Jensen props himself on his elbows and eyes him blearily, “Jared? Hey man, what are you doing?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve got to...” there is no way he could adequately explain the sudden terror and shame clutching at his heart, the absolute need to be away from here, this torturous lair where his conscience is warring against the pangs of his desire and the twisting pull he feels towards the man on the bed.
Jared looks at him long enough to see the pain and the anger flicker across Jensen’s stunning features and the tightening of his jaw as he says, “Yeah. I got it. Go on,” before falling back onto the bed.
Jared opens his mouth trying to find a way to say what he actually feels, to explain that he doesn’t want to go, that he has to go. That he shouldn’t be here in the first place, that if he had a choice he’d crawl on his hands and knees back to the gloriously naked man on the bed and suck him down much as he’d done for Jared earlier and start this whole amazing night again.
But he can’t. And he never can. So he slips on his shoes and opens the door, taking one final look at Jensen and what he can’t ever have again—what he shouldn’t have had tonight--before shutting it quietly
********
On Sunday morning, Jared stands sweating underneath his vestments, hoping that his congregants can’t feel the damp that always soaks through his undershirt and inevitably makes its way through his alb. Father Beaver introduces him to one member after another, and his collar tightens briefly each time he bends down to hug a child or an elderly woman--always the huggers those types. He doesn’t mind; the older women are the best bakers and for some reason they always like to bring by bites of things that they just “happened” to be cooking to share with those at the Rectory. And the children, in truth, knowing he’d never have children is really one of the only things that had prevented him from following his call at first. Well that and the....other.
Jared is in the process of unfolding from one of these child-level hugs when Father Beaver passes another congregant his way, almost literally handing him off from his hand into Jared’s, “...Ackles, one of the Senior Youth Group leaders.”
Jared has the man’s hand clasped in both of his own before he actually looks into the face of the person before him. Suddenly he feels the pit of his stomach drop out.
Coolly appraising green eyes lock with Jared’s own and a full and lush mouth smiles and says, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Father.”
Jared knows he needs to respond, but all he can do is stand numb and silent as fear and panic start to overtake him, as if Mr. Ackles’...dear God, Jensen...handshake has the power to strike him dead.
After the moments tick by, Jensen finally has mercy on Jared, removing his hand from Jared’s clasp and saying, “So, I was thinking that maybe we could set up an appointment this week to go over the plans for this fall’s service project?”
Not trusting himself to do anything else, Jared nods his head, even as Jensen begins to move away, saying, “Well, I know where to find you. I’ll just give the office a call. We can talk then.”
And then he’s gone, walking out the double doors of the nave like he hasn’t just thrown Jared’s entire existence into turmoil.
Summary: AU. Jared has a night out. Jensen turns up where he’s least expected.
Pairing: J2
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Not beta’d, all mistakes are my fault. Is edited a bit from the original version.
Word Count: 3,000+
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen are not mine. More’s the pity. (and a personal "I'm sorry" to
dancetomato for the title)Notes: For the story’s sake look afterwards, but it was originally written for the latest round of
blindfold_spn off this prompt.Jared finally settles on a pair of jeans that ride just along his hipbones, letting the edge of his boxer-briefs peek out above the denim. He pulls on a black t-shirt--it seems all he really has in his wardrobe is varying shades of black and white these days--tighter than he would usually wear, but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Sliding bare feet into one of his two pairs of “non-work” shoes (the other a pair of well-worn running shoes), he moves into the bathroom. He runs an electric razor quickly over his stubble to even it out, and then warms a swipe of pomade from the pot on the counter before running his hands through his hair quickly. He arches his brow scrutinizing the result-- it’s not going to last all night, but at least it’ll keep it out of his face for a while. He takes one last look at himself in the mirror before flicking off the lights and grabbing his keys from the nightstand.
******
1:15 am and it’s hot and loud in the club. Jared can feel the bass of the music thrumming through his entire body, as he moves through the, crowd headed for the bar. Spotting an opening at the far end of the counter, he slots himself in and when the curvy red-head moves towards him, he shouts his order. When she comes back with it, he pays in her cash with a bit extra thrown in, earning him a wink and a smile.
He downs his shot, throat stinging and eyes burning briefly before he follows it with a cool swig of beer. He never really feels comfortable in these places, but it’s the only time he can actually be...
A warm hand lands on his lower back quickly followed by warm breath near his ear, “I’ve never seen you here before. And believe me...I would have noticed you.”
Closing his eyes for a brief moment Jared takes a deep breath before turning to the owner of the voice and hand. He’s startled slightly by the sheer handsomeness of the man. Granted, pretty boys are a dime-a-dozen in these places, but this man....
They’re not quite eye-level, but the man isn’t small; considering he comes past Jared’s shoulder, he’s pretty tall. He gets small flickers of the man’s actual appearance when the strobes travel over the crowd, glints of green, broad shoulders, dusting of freckles, narrow waist, and, clichés-be-damned, cock-sucking lips.
Jared doesn’t trust himself to look at the man directly, not when he’s so obviously everything Jared wants just standing there next to him. He lets his eyes drift over the bar instead, hoping to seem nonchalant as he says, “Well, I’ve never been here before.”
Moving closer, the man leans into Jared enough that Jared can feel his body heat, “Good to know. I’d hate to think I missed out on your company.”
Jared breathes in sharply through his nose. He wants to be easy about this, wants to smother the desperation he feels, the desire that’s been coursing through him for months. It’s been so long since he’s let himself...
“Want to get out of here?” Jared turns his head back to the man, surprised. It’s usually longer before...he stops thinking as he watches the man tip his head back to swallow the remainder of his drink, long line of his creamy, taut throat rolling.
Fixated on the now damp perfectly formed lips before him, he doesn’t answer until that mouth opens again, “They’re even better when they’re ON you.”
Jared lets out a brief bark of laughter, the man’s forthrightness a surprise that puts him suddenly at ease.
Brow arched, the man comments, “You should smile more. Makes you look even more fuckin’ gorgeous.”
“Is that a bit of twang I hear?” Jared asks quickly, not quite ready to jump off the precipice he’s been standing on the edge of for so long.
“That’s a bit of the Lone Star you hear, Stretch. And if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got a fair slice of it yourself.”
Nodding, Jared takes a few more swigs off his beer, “I just left San Antonio.”
“Grew up just outside Dallas, myself. Now how’s about we get outside this place?”
He reaches and wraps a strong hand around Jared’s bicep with an intent to move him toward the door, “Goddamn, Stretch, that’s...well, Jesus, I knew you were packing, but DAMN,” he lets out a long low whistle, puckering those perfect lips that Jared just can’t seem to keep his eyes off of.
Jared smiles again, appreciating not only the compliment, but the man’s seeming inability to be anything but forward. He drains the last of his beer and lets the man weave them through the crowd to the front doors.
The night air seems suddenly chilly after the humid warmth of the club, and Jared is struck once again by how incredibly stupid this is of him. How he shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t even WANT this. But maybe things can be different here. A new start. No one knows him. No one knows anything. And if he’s careful, he can keep it that way. Maybe. Just maybe, this CAN work.
“You got a name, Stretch?”
He pauses briefly, considering before he decides the hell with it, “Jared.”
“Jensen,” Jensen’s hand is warm and broad in his own as he shakes it.
Trying to preempt the other man from asking first, Jared blurts, “You have a place in mind?”
“Yeah, it’s actually not far,” he jerks his head to the left and starts walking, “Convenient that they seem to put the hotels near the clubs, don’t you think?”
Jared snickers and follows the man’s lead, briefly admiring the curve of the man’s ass before he pulls even.
*******
It’s not a 4 star by any means, but it seems clean and...Jared stops thinking when Jensen presses him back against the door seconds after they walk in, the lips that he’s been obsessing over suddenly on his own.
Jensen’s mouth is hot and slick, and their tongues tangle immediately. Jared reaches down to pull Jensen’s groin flush against his own, gratified to feel a hard line pressing into his hip where they touch. Their heads turn in unison, mouths slotting against each other and pulling away with a lip between teeth every now and again as they rut against each other.
“Fuck,” Jensen pulls away after long minutes of rough kissing and moves back slightly, hands falling to the fly on his own jeans. Jared leans up against the door and watches as Jensen’s sure hands flick through button after button, then slide down his sides to shuck himself of briefs and jeans in one long move. It’s quickly followed by a cross-armed removal of Jensen’s shirt over his head. As Jared watches, Jensen’s thick, flushed cock bobs with each quick movement.
It’s these moments he wishes for more. That this could be his life. That he could have this man, whenever he wanted. That he could see a blood-filled cock, a strong, flat torso and muscled thighs and not feel this pang of guilt, this twist of remorse, this sense of wrong. But it’s what he NEEDS. If he’s to continue what he’s called to do, go on living day to day to day and fulfilling his duty, he needs these moments. No matter what anyone says.
Jensen moves back in, dropping to his knees and rubbing the palm of his hand over Jared’s swollen dick before using those same deft fingers to open Jared’s jeans and reach in and pull him out. It’s only seconds before Jared exhales with a moan when Jensen opens his mouth to take him in. The warm, wet of Jensen’s tongue sliding along the underside of his dick nearly buckles his knees. It’s been so long since he’s felt this slicksuckingpull and the resulting spark in his gut.
He’s almost afraid to look down. Afraid that the vision of Jensen naked, on his knees, flushed lips wrapped around his cock will make him come right there and then, but he’s compelled to look. He’s been thinking about what Jensen would look like with his rosy lips stretched wide by cock, slippery with saliva and pre-come, since before he even knew his name.
He’s right, it’s almost too much for him to see Jensen bobbing on the end of his dick. His hips thrust forward of their own volition and he groans when Jensen only hums around his thickness, flicks his eyes up through long lashes watching Jared watch him, and takes him deeper, nose pressing against Jared’s pubic hair before pulling up and almost off before moving in to engulf him again in that glorious sucking heat.
Jared’s hand falls to Jensen’s head, fingertips rubbing through the gelled strands, massaging his scalp as he struggles not to just grasp his skull and hold him still. Hold him and use his too-pretty mouth while he pumps his hips madly to find his release deep in Jensen’s throat.
Instead he pulls Jensen off him, mesmerized by the strand of spit and pre-come that connects Jensen’s full bottom lip to his cock before Jensen breaks it by licking a broad swipe over Jared’s slit, sitting back on his haunches.
Jared reaches down and pulls Jensen up, and bends his head down hungrily, reclaiming Jensen’s lips, tasting the salty tang of himself on his tongue as together they undress Jared and move towards the bed.
Without breaking the seal of their mouths, Jensen puts his hands on Jared’s biceps and maneuvers them so that Jared’s calves hit the edge of the bed rather than Jensen’s and then pushes him lightly enough that Jared knows what he wants. Reluctantly he stops kissing the other man and sits down on the bed.
Jensen straddles Jared’s thighs with his knees, bumping their cocks together as he situates himself. This time he completely ignores Jared’s hard prick as he runs the flat of his hands over Jared’s chest and abs, down the length of his arms, only to follow them with finger tips--as if he’s trying to learn Jared’s body by feel.
Jensen’s voice is like gravel when he starts talking, sending jolts of lust to Jared’s cock—he made Jensen sound like that--never stopping the movement of his hands, “You’re so fucking built. All this muscle. What do you do? Work out for 5 hours a day?”
“Two hours. I run for an hour and then,” Jared’s breath catches when Jensen rolls a nipple between his fingertips, and gets a cocky grin in return. “Then I do weights for about an hour. It helps me clear my mind.”
They both moan involuntarily when Jensen leans down to lave Jared’s now taut nipple with his tongue, both their dicks trapped, hot and hard between them. Jared rolls his hips slightly, looking for some friction, getting a grind from Jensen’s hips in return before Jensen skitters his teeth across Jared’s collarbone and down to the peak of the other nipple. Jensen licks and suckles and gnaws his way up and down Jared’s neck before coming to rest just near Jared’s ear.
“I know a much better way for you to clear your mind and stay in shape,” Jensen whispers before he moves to the spot just behind Jared’s earlobe to nuzzle, all the while continuing to work his hips so that his and Jared’s cocks rub against each other, pre-come starting to slick the way between them.
“Yeah?” Jared can hardly think beyond the burgeoning orgasm that he is trying to stave off. It’s been so long.
Hotly Jensen whispers words that should have been corny, but only serves to add fuel to Jared’s already out-of-control lust, “I’d let you fuck me every day. Pump me, instead of iron.”
Jared can’t take it anymore. He grips Jensen’s hips and flips them, so that Jensen is trapped under him, Jared covering his only slightly smaller frame with his own, pinning him to the bed, reveling in the feel of sweat-damp male beneath him.
“You’re killing me with your filthy fucking mouth,” Jared groans as he speeds up the thrust of his hips, dragging Jensen’s cock against his own. “Sucking me off with it, kissing me stupid, saying such...”
Jared throws his head back when Jensen pulls his legs apart and wraps them around Jared’s waist. Jared feels their balls touch, sacs drawn tight and firm, both of them ready to burst, Jared can’t remember when he’s ever wanted something so much, wanted to spill everywhere, mark someone up, watch them unravel with him.
Jensen’s hand wraps around them both, sluicing through pre-come and sweat, sliding their turgid cocks against each other, “Come on, Jared. Come for me baby, let me feel it. Cover me in it.”
And that’s it, Jared’s spine is uncoiling and he’s floating in a sparkling spot of ecstasy that connects his dick with every other nerve in his body. He opens his eyes and watches and dimly hears Jensen shout as he wrings out his own release between them, come glistening on his chest and abs, adding to Jared’s creamy fluids already cooling there. Jared watches for another second and pulls himself away when his dick just can’t take any more stimulation. He collapses ungracefully at Jensen’s side.
When Jensen runs a finger through their mixed come and then raises it to his mouth, sucking their spend off it. Jared hisses, “Fucking hell, you’re trying to kill me.”
Jensen merely smiles through half-lidded eyes and does it again.
Limbs heavy, Jared rolls onto his back, and tries to let the moment last. He feels so damn good, every pressure and constraint of his life shunted out for long, sensual minutes. But it’s coming back to him now. How truly wrong this is. All the people he is disappointing, all the codes and promises he is breaking by being here, by doing this.
Heart pounding, he sits up, animated by his sudden need to get out. To leave. To start this instant to do everything he can to make it right. To make himself good enough again. Oh God. How is he going to ever make any of this right?
He moves into the bathroom, barely registering Jensen’s drawled call of, “Bring me back a rag, won’t you?”
After pissing and quickly washing everything he can easily reach with a soaped up washcloth--all the while studiously avoiding his reflection in the mirror--he crosses the bedroom and starts pulling on his clothes as fast as his now trembling fingers will allow.
Jensen props himself on his elbows and eyes him blearily, “Jared? Hey man, what are you doing?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve got to...” there is no way he could adequately explain the sudden terror and shame clutching at his heart, the absolute need to be away from here, this torturous lair where his conscience is warring against the pangs of his desire and the twisting pull he feels towards the man on the bed.
Jared looks at him long enough to see the pain and the anger flicker across Jensen’s stunning features and the tightening of his jaw as he says, “Yeah. I got it. Go on,” before falling back onto the bed.
Jared opens his mouth trying to find a way to say what he actually feels, to explain that he doesn’t want to go, that he has to go. That he shouldn’t be here in the first place, that if he had a choice he’d crawl on his hands and knees back to the gloriously naked man on the bed and suck him down much as he’d done for Jared earlier and start this whole amazing night again.
But he can’t. And he never can. So he slips on his shoes and opens the door, taking one final look at Jensen and what he can’t ever have again—what he shouldn’t have had tonight--before shutting it quietly
********
On Sunday morning, Jared stands sweating underneath his vestments, hoping that his congregants can’t feel the damp that always soaks through his undershirt and inevitably makes its way through his alb. Father Beaver introduces him to one member after another, and his collar tightens briefly each time he bends down to hug a child or an elderly woman--always the huggers those types. He doesn’t mind; the older women are the best bakers and for some reason they always like to bring by bites of things that they just “happened” to be cooking to share with those at the Rectory. And the children, in truth, knowing he’d never have children is really one of the only things that had prevented him from following his call at first. Well that and the....other.
Jared is in the process of unfolding from one of these child-level hugs when Father Beaver passes another congregant his way, almost literally handing him off from his hand into Jared’s, “...Ackles, one of the Senior Youth Group leaders.”
Jared has the man’s hand clasped in both of his own before he actually looks into the face of the person before him. Suddenly he feels the pit of his stomach drop out.
Coolly appraising green eyes lock with Jared’s own and a full and lush mouth smiles and says, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Father.”
Jared knows he needs to respond, but all he can do is stand numb and silent as fear and panic start to overtake him, as if Mr. Ackles’...dear God, Jensen...handshake has the power to strike him dead.
After the moments tick by, Jensen finally has mercy on Jared, removing his hand from Jared’s clasp and saying, “So, I was thinking that maybe we could set up an appointment this week to go over the plans for this fall’s service project?”
Not trusting himself to do anything else, Jared nods his head, even as Jensen begins to move away, saying, “Well, I know where to find you. I’ll just give the office a call. We can talk then.”
And then he’s gone, walking out the double doors of the nave like he hasn’t just thrown Jared’s entire existence into turmoil.
